How are we to define the sum up of everything that contains whoever we may be? Are we the embedment of our blood ancestors along with the bad or the good virtues they once pledged which runs through our veins and that we shall bear or avail? Are we merely but the blueprint, therein the living momentum of the numerous past lives we have lived and with it, the joy we chose to experience and for some, the pain we will spend an entire lifetime getting rid of? Are we solely but a sparkle of light disguised within our physical appearance and wearing the coat of a soul we specifically chose before crossing the airlock of the mother source? Are we more likely to be the fusion of all of the above and if so, what of those amongst us who have been chained by an unfortunate egregor that subtly controls their life on this plane? Is this what they had chosen at the beginning of it all? Are we all the living proof of the individual universal choice we took to either walk onto the path of light or its opposite, the shadow? Are we all dictated by all-embracing laws that governs our every move and which only a portion of it we have so far beget to know? A few but poignant existential interrogations, which, amongst the soul and soulless spirits that inhabit the world we chose to experience, barely a fragment of our globe often named the ‘awaken ones’, ever felt compelled to question. Though, as we have now begun our walk into the new era of Aquarius, whilst the long awaited and highly praised throughout ancient scriptures ‘Middle Way’, is now paving its way through the subtle balance of forces, it is said that as many more souls will be delving into the very meaning of our continuance, as many more answers shall subsequently be found. In turn, the concept of life, as it may, shall better be recognized and utilised.
The hour is late and consumed now seem the thousands of words that have been spoken out, prior to this moment where parting from each other looks inevitable.
And whilst efforts were requested from both sides, in truth, the scales were never even. For they were always being pulled down in your favor by the many scars you carry with you and which the surface of your body fatefully attests for, if one cares to consider.
What a silly little girl she now seems to be, when she recalls how far she followed you and ultimately how little more she is now left with.
For with you, she was prepared to go to placeless places she had never been. For you, she had willingly opened her heart like a child who flies the kite for the first time. And by you, she stood and would continue doing so, like the misunderstood Viking angel warrior you would one day comprehend, or so she thought…
And yet if not her, then, did she righteously ask herself, who ever will?
Who will ever want to know you, once you unleash your darkest secrets? And be sure to know that in this life, you will inevitably have to share them all, if you ever wish to pretend to ‘true love’.
She did. she followed without ever turning her back and like the unknown hero of something that was much bigger than her at the time, she dared to face a truth that was ever so dark and that would inexorably make millions tremble. The sort of truth she could have never forecasted when the journey began and with it, ‘the all or nothing’ as she once claimed.
Who will ever want to stay with you, once they meet your inner demons?
And be sure they will…
She did. She fought and She fought, and She fought even more without ever tiring, as long as there was hope. For, with certainty, hope is one of her core lights, if only you had spared little time knowing her inner self more. And so, changes happened, and hope was served well, for most of your monsters disappeared with time. All, except the last one. A nameless old inner battle of yours that would always come out faster than the speed of light, once unleashed. But first and foremost, a last torment which only you could deal with and in the harshest possible way, so it disappears forever more.
But a sadder truth is if the story of you both was to ever to be told, undoubtedly, most people would recall the deeds and choice of hers, a true and noble act of love. You never did. Proving your points and arguments fueled by that inner torment of yours, was always more important than whatever battle you both had won. As if small details mattered more than whatever beautiful things you both had accomplished within the macro of your voyage.
And so, it is that old inner Judas of yours who will have won over her and a final stroke that shook her enough to put her on the ground. And despite the tears that followed and the pain within and the words of hopelessness which were thrown at you and which many men would have recognized to be a call for the ultimate fight for love this journey must have so far, you simply ignored her. You turned and fled. And with this concluding act, you turned off her light.
As the sun now sets, this final moment begs to ask the ultimate question as to why did you not simply left her to be before you bonded with her? And where is the soundness in wanting a person so hard, for so long and by day but also sometimes by night and once you have gained her love, her trust and some of her power she so freely gives you, to do so little to cherish it and keep it like a life treasure?
In the grander scheme of things, she also wishes to say to you there is no point in this life of yours which you have filled with hundreds of people, women, and experience, if when faced to one solid and true human experience, you act as if you had lived seclusively in a cave for most of your living. And would it not make more sense that, throughout all the stories that you have touched and accumulated, including your own, you be the quintessence of the best humans have to offer while we still live?
In this realm of ours, the universe still freely gives second chances to specie like you. And yet, what is to become of our world, if people no longer want to play along and be the key players, hence the givers of such chances, for the hurt is too great?
Like you, in this life, she has seen much and with it, she has felt even more, henceforth be sure that she shall heal. But also know that instead of having been the crucial one that would powerfully contribute to her body and soul and ultimately conquer it all, she shall now remember you merely as the one who let it go. Instead of embracing the person that she was, you tried to shut it down and you hurt it in ways that are forbidden for species like herself.
For truthfully, you were indeed her vulnerably since the day she decided to live this epic story till the end and a better one, as she hoped for. But it is also a weakness she shall never regret having given you, for this is the only way love will ever be able to create a magnus opus between two people, if it is so written. Be it now and forever and amen to it all!
The gift of seeing the future of others as well as one’s own and which merely derives from the consciousness of the occurring present in this very moment, is not something the universe pours in giving out to all. But when it does, one ought to recognize that such aptitude only offers a potential possibility, even if a solid one. Nothing more, nothing less. For within this knowledge at hand, let us never forget the higher gift of will which men of our realm were given once upon a time. And such as we were made, we shall always retain the likelihood to choose the path we walk on and which in fact is also a changeable one, according to the strength of the will itself.
Silence will always speak louder than words and action even louder than the latter. Like a hero of the best sorts the world has to offer, and the universe equally only creates once in a while under a blue moon, you have now entered where no men had entered before, within my inner equilibrium and everything that composes it and shapes the very root of my own self. But be sure that if you ever entered that narrow door, beyond which was given to you quite a great many bit of myself and most certainly more than I recall ever giving to a man, it is because I accepted it willingly. And this was done so, based on a trust that I gave you to always be fair and honest in your actions and truly represent yourself as my equal heartfully and within ‘the all or nothing’ which I seek. And I have followed you in this great epic story that unveils in front of our eyes, again willingly. And though, at times, I could feel the wave of the train going faster and faster, I never shivered, for you were always in my sight and in my ears. And God only knows that this train you are on, does require one special specie to understand the next and it is not for the light faith either, for at times, it will seek a faith as big as the seventh skies all together! But you watched me day after day, embracing it, feeling it and diving into it all. And yet, today the clock stopped when you decided, on your own, that we needed even more challenge than whatever we had already conquered and whatever was in front of us. The challenge of silence. As if answers were ever to going to be find within the pitch of ignorance! As if love was ever going to feed itself from the darkest corner of the room and as if I, for one, didn’t have enough challenges. Do you not have eyes to see when you left me last and saw my eyes whispering to you how much love had yet again grown in the recent past? Do you not have ears, when you listen to the song of our past, present and future life, which we sing for hours. ? A life you urge me to so believe in. Do you not have a heart to feel with and as you are now perhaps recalling its presence throughout these poignant words that compose the lullaby of today, I ask you, was it really the heart that dictated you to pass on the sentence of silence or was it the mind which you have forgotten to master! But if you so believe that silence, which ultimately leads to ignorance, is what we both deserve and in doing so, you equally show me at dawn that I am like everyone else you have ever given the silent treatment you believe yourself to be so strong at, then be it and keep within your silence ! But in your determined action, know one thing and to the next, hear the trumpets that are now ringing louder than ever when they tell you that you are greatly mistaken, for a dictated silence is precisely where you are hurting us the most. And I, for one will not be hurt, be it, be now, be always!
As I watch this new moon of October attaining its half course before its cosmos purpose eventually reaches its final destination and the awoken ones feel its blessing, I recollect my thoughts and remember. Today, across the distance of five kilometers from one another, which is our current reality, you told me the elders whom I pushed you to reconciled with, spoke and said ‘you are the watcher, my son and though this comes as a gift from the universe, be aware, for such aptitude will equally bring its hardship when you understand, and you must now. For the price of silence shall always be the fruit you bear for the truth your eyes only can see’.
And so, if this double sword reality of yours has now become a permanent one, I righteously ask myself what of my name and role within this equation of ours? I am the white avatar sent to you to unleash and activate the second part of your life? I am the Delphi that plays its role till all crosswords meet and your destination is reached or perhaps is it that your destination was also always mine to be? I am the fastest one of both spirits as we know it, that shall ironically have to continuously slow you down for the absorbing of what you feel and see is too overwhelming? Or perhaps in the end, I am ultimately the once born small queen that had the power to ground a Hamza of our time and an all eye seeing?
The future is ours to be or not to be….
And though in this late hour, I still do not know my true name, I shall accept and choose to be whatever the universe has intended for me to be and throughout what transpires of us and the love that materializes from us, if only for the greater purpose of humanity and those that deserve to see and live it.